I didn’t realise it was spirit day until like, now. LOL. Come on Tumblr!
So I decided to dress my persona up in the customary purple. I also wanted to take this time to sort of talk about something I’ve been hesitant to talk about for a while now.
The past few years, I’ve had a lot of issues with gender and sexuality and things of that nature. I did all the usual aspects, “It’s a phase, it’ll change, I’ll change,” but the more I thought about it, the less it felt like that and the more it felt like something that was natural. Though now that I look back, I think I’ve felt like this since elementary school.
I am engaged, my husband is cis male, he’s a wonderful human being and deals with way too much of my nonsense. And a lot of that nonsense has to do with this. I’ve recently started making changes to be agenderous. Agenderous means I don’t identity with either gender.
I had the usual thoughts of “Maybe I’m gay, maybe I should get a sex change” but none of this felt right. I was fine with myself mentally and my body to a certain extent but I wasn’t happy with how people treated me, with what I had to be. Being forced to wear clothing that didn’t feel right or join in on the notion of something because it was “Just what my gender did.”
I was born female but that’s not a thing anymore. I spent too many years being shamed into the gender and It’s broken me so many times. I really do need this change and I’m glad I have the support of my husband. I’m just hoping one day, the other people close to me will also feel the same.
Sorry if this feels sorta all over the place, there’s a lot of built up nonsense behind this whole thing. I don’t want to get angry about it anymore, I don’t want the built up frustration to cause problems. I want to start over from all the madness and have a healthy internet image and relationships. So I hope despite all my past mess ups, I can try to be a small positive member of a wonderful and diverse community and it’s world.
KT rant over. Hope that all made sense! My mind is all over the place, back to work. Love you all! <3